Narcos XXX is a browser-based adult role playing game, focused on narcotics, crime, and pussy. It’s loosely inspired by the well-known saga of Pablo Escobar in the 80s, meaning there’s sure to be gun fights, cocaine, and hot babes.
The game is run and managed by the same company behind porn sites like FILF and She Does Anal. There’s little information about who they are, and they seem to go to great lengths to keep that under wraps – understandable in the porn world. They seem to be associated with or owned by Endea Limited of Oxford, UK. The game, however, is not directly affiliated with either of those porn sites. The site is ranked in the top 100k in the US, and slightly lower globally, meaning it gets a decent amount of traffic on average.
The game screens located on narcosxxx.com are really just a tease to get you started. Once you sign up for the trial or an actual account, you are routed to xxxnarcos.com/members instead, where you can login. This takes you to the myuservault.com content management service, featuring games, photos, videos, full-length movies, live games, and other features – many (though not all) of which are included with your subscription. This does explain some of the price, but also wasn’t made clear at the time of sign-up, and is really outside the scope of this review.
The teaser to the game says, “Escape prison fast, and get rewarded with money, blow, and pussy!” which is a hell of a hook – a lifestyle and set of experiences that you don’t normally get in most mainstream, non-adult games (aside from maybe the Grand Theft Auto franchise, though a lot less explicitly).
You start off as Escobar, trying to break free from jail. Controls are basic, WASD, left mouse to fire, R to reload, G to throw a grenade, and right click to kick down a door. It takes a bit of getting used to the camera perspective, and moving around and fighting, but once you do, it’s fairly straightforward. FYI, ammo is unlimited (you just need to reload), and health can be replenished by health packs found on the floor scattered around the prison. Your goal in this level is to get out of prison, naturally. We won’t spoil how you do that or what else is involved, but it’s a fun shoot-em-up level, at any rate.
Intercut between the more active game scenes are sex mini-games, for lack of a better word. They’re FMV-style animated scenes, where you have to move the mouse back and forth at the right speed, and change positions to increase the intensity, until you reach a climax. The one we experienced was “okay” at first graphics-wise, but the poor rendering on the fountains of gloopy jizz that shot out of Escobar’s cock made us rethink our existence.
And, right when I reached this part in the game, it seems to be a dead end. After the prison break and sex scene…you’re left with only an option to play again. While this seems like it may be a bug (based on the hype and teaser footage surrounding this game), it’s a pretty devastating one. If this is all there is to this game, then we can’t recommend it. Just to be safe, we tested it on several systems, using Chrome, Edge, and Opera – and same thing in all cases. So we’re actually at a loss on this one.
The game only lasts about 15 minutes in its current state – again, not clear if this is due to buggy code or a genuine scam, but there’s no real replay or longevity here.
Given that the game seems broken, the only adult content we can review was a single scene of FMV-style sex mini game, as described above, which wasn’t particularly erotic and left us with some serious questions about the effects of cocaine on the viscosity of male ejaculate.
Though Narcos XXX is browser-based, it’s not a simple Flash-style game. It uses the powerful Unity WebGL player and the Unity coding language to offer a fairly detailed, immersive, isometric-yet-3D game experience, at least in the level we tried. Since it doesn’t seem to go anywhere beyond that, the benefits of this engine seem not to be utilized.
While the game is ostensibly free to sign up for and play, it requires a credit card for “age verification” purposes. In reality, the free trial is limited to 2 days, after which you are re-billed at $39.95/month for your membership. There are also cross-sells that are checked by default (see below), seemingly to trap you into paying a lot more than you intended. We don’t condone this kind of behavior, and users should be alert if your intention is merely to try out the game for free.
This is exacerbated by the fact that, unless we encountered a serious bug, the game lasts all of about 15 minutes and is a total scam from what it purports to be.
CROSS-SELL ALERT! When you sign up for the “free” account, be sure to UN-CHECK the two bonus offers/cross-sells. If you don’t, you’ll be automatically enrolled for recurring memberships to PremiumPornHD.com at $39.94/month and XXXHDVault.com at $49.95/month. On top of the $39.95 for NarcosXXX, lack of clicking a checkbox or cancelling after your free trial can put you on the hook for $129.84 a month!
Porn Explosion Advice:If you’re going to sign up just for a trial, and are worried about getting hit with a renewal bill, try using a Visa/Amex/MasterCard gift card with a low balance on it. These don’t always get authorized, since many vendors try to pre-auth the full renewal amount (in this case $39.95) in advance, but it’s an extra step to protect yourself if you want to try before you buy.
We’re happy to revise our review if this game was only temporarily bugged, but as it stands in the current state, as of this review date, this is a hard pass. Too many red flags – all the cross-sells, “free” sign-up that isn’t free, and a game that seems to last all of 15 minutes with none of the promised features. This one was a real disappointment given all the hype and marketing that has surrounded it. We’re left scratching our heads and our balls, and looking for better things to do with our time.